{Number}

"Teach me to number my days/

that I might gain a heart of wisdom."

What day is it? Wednesday. No. Thursday? How many days since schools were closed and the kids brought home overflowing backpacks, shoved onto a shelf where they'd stay, untouched. Friends keep up with this on social media. "Quarantine Day 30!" proclaims one. But I have no idea. 

For a while I had my breath, waiting to hear they'd go back. Waiting to hear what was expected of this odd home but not homeschooling state we all found ourselves in. But one day bleeds into the next and now we know - they aren't going back. They're here. We're all here. 

My sister tells me her biggest struggle is to have nothing to look forward to. Vacation plans are stalled. Our sisterly trek to a concert later this summer hangs in the balance. What do you do when there's nothing to look forward to? When each day looks a lot like the last, when everything ahead is nothing but one big question mark? Everything behind like some weird dream of life that felt so ordinary but was obliterated within a matter of days? We talk about what we'll do once this is all over, all the while ignoring the truth hanging just above our heads - what if it never is?

Maybe there is something to this count down after all. To learn how to turn from the constant looking ahead to living fully and intentionally within the now. To truly number the days. Sinking deeply into where and who we are, just today.

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